today: i can't see over

i'm discouraged.

i feel like noone shows/gives enough for me to feel anything but apathy. i can't fix anything, i can't take or throw anything away for you. i am not who you think i am(that is: who you'd like me to be, who you've made-up in your head) and most people will and do figure it out...firgure out that i'm a stupid just like the rest.

but it's not fair to make someone live up to expectations you've made up for them in your head. it's not fair to think of someone as exisiting only for you...

i'm just another person to add to a list of people who exist for you.
i'm just another excuse.
i'm too convient.
i'm too willing.
i'm so emptied.
i'm so replacable.
i'm nothing special. nothing you haven't seen before.
and i'm definitely not enough to make anyone stay or stick around.

does it make sense? who cares...