:)

among other things

today you'll find me answering phones at the scaffold works inc., among other things.






i will pay close attention to where i can afford to be generous and where i let others take too much. this is my responsibility. sometimes i cannot tell the differences between reasons why people chose to spend time on me. i know it's all for different reasons.

i can't help but always worry that something about me will push everyone away...this mysterious flaw that i haven't figured out.

i am running out of so many things but i am so hopeful for the future. everything is ok. better even.

fashioned out of brand new strife

moving back to san jose with weird ideas.

i haven't even fully moved out yet and already: my mom's been taken to the hospital twice and went to a ridiculous court hearing, i've had prospects of starting a business, ideas of going back to school, another arguous job hunt, a day long hospital visit.

today my brain is empty, i went to court with my mom, cleaned her house and walked her dogs. i try not to focus on the way things could be better, i try to focus on working towards the better.

it's hard when my efforts are combated by more drinking and smoking and destruction, especially when i haven't fully arrived yet.

this is gonna be hard.

cute!

swallow

i want to stop feeling like everything is falling apart, i'm tired of it

the sky will open and i will fall right thru

within

there is something so big
this thing cannot move
will swallow me
up

and

down
so very deep
from blood to blood
it is something so old.

and so encoded within

and so hard to open

an unnumbered mystery

off the grid.

i want everything i want now

my brain is completely overloaded, it wont let go. everything just stays in it.