heroine forever

i'm not quite sure how someone could be so amazing

oh my gosh you feel so many things but who's ever gonna know if you can't show it, christine

i've been thinking a lot about living by myself.

i'd probably have to move to another city to do that though. somewhere much cheaper. i like living with a lot of people becaus etheres always someone around but someday, i'd love to live with just myself, and maybe a good pet or one other close person (but i think i'd have to work up to that when i learn how to take care of myself better).

i feel like these songs aren't sounding right and it's frustrating. i listened to the collection i made last summer and i cringed. why doesn't anyone tell me i suck...

i'm in hermit mode and i just wanna work, record, go to shows and mostly be by myself. when this happens i kind of forget how to talk to people. i don't really wanna go to bars, parties, and large gatherings (most of the time). i don't wanna talk on the phone, catch-up, talk things out. i don't wanna spend energy mending broken things or faining introductions. i just want to work until it's done but i'm going at a snails pace and it's so hard to be ok with it.

so, hopefully i'll have kept my friends when i decide to be normally social again.

confusion is nothing new

can't tell you how much i miss summer. i feel her approaching. i'm glad she's coming back.

oh well

i can't tell if my patience is waning or if it's completely gone.i thought it was infinite but it's not and it's struggling.

i just have to realize that i can't make everyone happy all the time...sometimes people want what you don't have. most of the time people want what you don't have.

no more compliance. no more appeasement. no more sadness. no more worrying.

no more back-n-forth to san jose. i'm tired of it. my cars totally busted. i guess it's tired of it too.

made me crazy

just keep occupied

i'm at work, the kid is asleep. its raining so hard outside. torrential proportions.

yesterday i asked carissa if she was noah because she wants to own a ranch in texas with two of each animal. she said no.

we've been trying to one-up one another with disgusting texts. i like this game.

some examples:
"twitter my tart taint"-carissa
"dick my right ovary"-me

we've been very imaginative with our approaches.

ima drive down for sourpatch practice tonight. then aunt charlies maybe.

i feel a hibernation coming soon. i want to hide.

the way home always is the same

i had a crush on my biology teacher in high school. she looked just like emiliana torrini. i made her food once...well it was for a project but whatever. she took a leave to get married and have a baby. double whatever.